November is National Novel Writing Month, better known as NaNoWriMo. It's a pretty brilliant idea where they bring a community of writers together encouraging them to write 50,000 words in just 30 days.

Even though the reality of writing an actual, worth reading novel in thirty days is impossible, I love the idea of walking away with a first draft. I've been excited about NaNoWriMo since learning about it earlier this year. I wracked my brain trying to think of story ideas that would not only fit into 50,000 words, but also keep me motivated.

I ended up putting NaNoWriMo on the back burner because, well for one thing I didn't have an idea and two, I didn't want to put the book I've invested so much time on to the side. After all I am currently over 50,000 words into my 80,000 word goal and I am truly excited by the progress thus far. I can't deny that I am pretty proud of myself, so why would I stop now?

Then a month ago I woke up and had, what I believe would be a great idea to fit into 50,000 words. Ugh...of course I did!

So now it is October 30th and I have a big decision to make. Stay in the world that I've been working on since April or put it on hold for a month to create a whole new one?

Decisions, decisions...

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo?

Photo via NaNoWriMo.org

When I first started writing my novel I came across the quote above. I quickly made it the wallpaper background of my laptop to use it as my inspiration to keep going on days when I was feeling like an uncreative hack.

Trust me when I tell you that I had a lot of those days.

Writing is a lonely endeavor. It’s just you, your imagination and the page.

Even when you have people that support you it is ultimately up to your desire to get it done. Your need to jettison the people populating the world that you created out of your mind and into the real world.

Now, when you keep your work as close to the vest as I do it only helps to build the walls that isolate you. I have only shown two of the 26 chapters that I’ve written to my husband. If I need his opinion on something the question is so vague that often times it isn’t even worth asking.

In my defense I am writing my manuscript to completion before attempting any form of editing. That being said there is no way that I would let anyone read it before the first edit because…I mean…yikes! I know that this method is what works best for me, but it is also what keeps me on an island.

I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by people that love and support me. They are quick to tell me how proud they are or how great I’m doing. As much as I appreciate the encouragement and praise, the truth of the matter is that I am the only one that knows what I’ve written. There are days when I feel like what I’ve put on the page isn’t worth the kindness.

This is where the quote comes in.

There are many times when I am plagued with doubt. Fear, even. What if I’ve wasted all of these months writing something that is truly horrible? What if I really don’t know what I’m doing? What if I fail?

Doubt is the biggest killer of dreams and this quote reminds me of that every day.

Each day that I inch closer to the finish line I see that the doubt hasn’t beaten me. Now that I am over halfway through my manuscript I know that the plan that started out as a dream was always stronger than the doubt. It just took dumping some of the can’ts to finally realize it.

How do you deal with self doubt? How do you keep it at bay? Comment below and let me know.

To NaNoWriMo or not to NaNoWriMo

...and her dreams into plans